Episode 11 / Lindsey Epperly
Turn Imposter Syndrome Into Inspiration: How You Can Own Your Full Story, Including The Gremlins
What You'll Learn in This Episode:
Embrace the Full Story: Lindsey's experience shows the importance of owning our entire narrative – the successes and the struggles. By embracing our whole story, we can free ourselves from imposter syndrome and redefine what it means to be the boss of our own lives.
Letting Go of Control: The episode highlights the difficulty in relinquishing control and embracing the cracks in our lives. It's a reminder that sometimes the breaking and reconstructing are where we find our strength and resilience.
Hope and Redemption: Even in the midst of uncertainty and hardship, holding onto hope and choosing to rise is a powerful act of resilience. Lindsey's journey exemplifies how the worst experiences can lead to growth, redemption, and the beauty of putting the pieces back together.
About Lindsey
Lindsey Epperly is the founder and CEO of Jetset World Travel, a modern travel agency dedicated to service, innovation and gratitude. Lindsey’s decade-long journey in the world of business started as a one-person operation built by attending bridal shows alongside her college courses that she and her business partner have transformed into a company of 70 mission-driven team members. Lindsey’s passion for entrepreneurship, as well as her outspokenness on battling burnout and imposter syndrome, have led her to earning a spot on the 2021 Forbes Next 1000, along with speaking and writing opportunities about turning obstacles into opportunities. She is currently studying under New York Times bestselling author Bob Goff to produce a book about the illusion of control.
"Our stories are very much our superpowers, and everything we perceive as a failure is just an opportunity for redemption down the line."
Lindsey Epperly
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Lindsey Epperly [00:00:12]:
Welcome to who made you the boss? A podcast for recovering workaholics. I'm your host, Lindsey Epperly, and I invite you to embark on a transformative journey. Our mission on who made you the boss? Is clear. We're here to tackle the unique challenges that today's professionals face. We're bringing you insightful conversations with a diverse range of entrepreneurs, executives, and creatives, all who have forged their own paths. And I'm sharing some of the stories of my decades long career as a leader of my company, Jetset World Travel. Whether you are a seasoned professional or just starting out on your journey, join us each week as we unravel the mysteries of leadership, self discovery, and the pursuit of fulfillment, it is time to redefine what it means to be the boss of your own life. Let's dive in, and together we'll discover who made you the boss.
Lindsey Epperly [00:01:06]:
So I am staring into the mirror of a villa located in one of the world's leading private island retreats, and here's what I see reflected back at me. Eggplant purple tights located under a bright white spandex bodysuit layered with neon blue leg warmers that match the gaudy blue eyeshadow I have done for the evening. Now this only pales in comparison to the bright pink blush that highlights my cheekbones. Those cheekbones, though, have been growing thinner and thinner as my financial situation does the same. It is the end of 2020, and as others are celebrating the world possibly reopening soon, I am still calculating the run rate on whether my business can survive the soon to come regulations that Americans will have to provide a negative test in order to return home from international travel. Which means that'll probably discourage them from said international travel. And I look in the mirror and ask myself, how am I in the privileged position of being on a private island retreat meant for successful business owners? And yet my company has been in the red for almost a year. How am I supposed to go out and meet those fellow business owners who are wonderful people, by the way, but how am I supposed to go there and pretend that I have not just dipped under 100 pounds because of how depressed I've become? And I had recently admitted this all to my therapist, and I think I'm depressed, I told her.
Lindsey Epperly [00:02:25]:
But I'm not sure if it's because a year ago at this time, one of my best friends unexpectedly passed away, or if it's because nine months ago, a global upheaval forced my business to a standstill, which then, of course, made my husband and I walk away from our home and our community, or that six months prior, I had my first baby, but she came a month early because of an actual medical emergency. Is this postpartum? I asked her, and then she responded back to me. Does it really matter exactly what it is? There are so many circumstances that could be causing this that we might not ever know the root, but we do know you are whittling away, both physically and mentally. So now I'm adding daily antidepressants to my growing list of what I, at the time, consider a failure. And, of course, you guys, that is not a failure. But at the time, it's really hard to admit it. So my husband, Jeremy, who as you guys most likely know at this point, is also my business partner, walks over to me. I see him in the mirror.
Lindsey Epperly [00:03:23]:
He kisses the side of my ponytail, and then the edges of his pressed on mustache just gracefully tickle my cheek. Now, of course, he does not always have a mustache, but today, naturally, he is dressed as Mike Ditka. Because not only are we parading as successful entrepreneurs, we're attending a costume party with a theme of 80s athletes. And Jeremy and I were both born in 89, so we're amongst the youngest people here, and we did not even experience the decade we are throwing it back to. Do you want to know why I focus so much on imposter syndrome on this podcast? Because this moment, right now, is the moment that I feel most like an imposter. Now, of course, there have been times before when I felt like an imposter. I will never forget when I entered into an entrepreneurship competition to pitch my little travel agency idea. At the age of 21, I was still at the University of Georgia.
Lindsey Epperly [00:04:14]:
Go Dawgs. And I walked right into that room. Of all men, as the only female, only non business major, I was pursuing an english degree with an emphasis on poetry. And I was dressed in a pencil skirt like I was ready to sell someone a fax machine. I could have sworn I heard them whisper, ma'am, the poetry reading is a few doors down. I'd felt like an imposter in that competition, but then I actually landed in second place, and I felt this blind optimism that most college students are so inclined to have, and I decided to pursue my dreams. That was, of course, before the world kicked me in the teeth and ripped my business to shreds. At this moment in time, on this particular island, I have defined myself purely based on the success of my professional endeavors.
Lindsey Epperly [00:04:57]:
And when I am given a sharpie to write my own name on a badge for all to see, I'm just tempted to skip ahead and write the word failure. But we are not on this retreat because of the business's current success, or lack thereof. We are here because it was previously successful enough for us to agree to come, to be able to attend as actual paying guests. That was all, of course, before the world and our company came to a screeching halt. And I don't really think many people feel sorry for you when you're depressed on a private island. So my goal for this trip, as insecure as I may feel while here, is to find some semblance of myself again. Where did that girl go who used to know exactly what she wanted and exactly how she would get there? I think she started dwindling away long before her business tanked or her baby was born or her best friend passed away? I think she started dwindling when she tied her identity to her business, when she could no longer feel self worth separate from the upward trajectory of what she had created. If I had to track the chart of my own identity across those years, whether it grew stronger or weaker with my success, I would venture to say that as I became a stronger entrepreneur, what I valued about my worth as a human was actually growing weaker.
Lindsey Epperly [00:06:13]:
The more I pushed my own ambition, the greater my anxiety grew. And the lonelier that rise to the top became. I was on an island, both in times of success and in times of failure. Now, of course, literally and figuratively, speaking of tracking, you guys, this destination's government tried to install a tracking device on us when we all first arrived. We've got to tell you about this, because the destination had only recently reopened in the middle of the pandemic. One of their ways of combating the spread was via a tracking bracelet. So I want you to imagine arriving to a new country, getting your passport stamped, being asked to hold out your wrist for the security officer named Tiny, and she's going to now install a bulkier version of an apple Watch on you. By the way, she's using a special triangle shaped screwdriver that only she can install or uninstall.
Lindsey Epperly [00:06:59]:
This thing has to be removed by a government official. Now, I don't know about you, but I am an enneagram seven with a very strong wing eight, which means that most of my life, I fight against being controlled. And that probably is what led me to becoming a control freak in the first place. So you can imagine the immediate panic I feel when tiny straps this on my wrist. And, guys, she has agility of someone who has been practicing every day in quarantine, this particular motion. And then she tells us, this will report your location to the government every 15 minutes and take your temperature hourly. Oh, and by the way, you have to charge it with this cord. And then she pulls out the world's tiniest cord.
Lindsey Epperly [00:07:36]:
So I'm imagining now a scenario where I'm sleeping with my arm extended across the nightstand to get to a power outlet, and if it goes dead, she tells us, or you remove it, we find you $10,000 in possible jail time on this island. Now, listen, as the owner of a travel agency who is daily navigating conversations around what ethics look like during this time and how to be respectful travelers to other destinations who have differing infrastructure, and as someone who genuinely cares about the safety and security of all travelers and all citizens of the places we're sending people to, all that is going through my mind is, oh, my God, my business is going to need to stay flatlined for a lot longer because I cannot in good faith recommend people travel if this is what we're having to do to make it work. Now, when tiny then announces that we cannot get these devices that are strapped to our bodies wet, that is when we push back enough on the observant, well, we're on an island, we're planning on getting these wet. So then she kindly offers a phone monitoring option instead, which we gladly take. But still, granted, this destination was amongst the last to reopen and the strictest to do so. And everyone at the time is just simply doing what they need to do to survive. Right? So it's a very complex set of emotions that's going through my head, of which that head, I already imagine, has the giant Sharpie written word failure stamped across it. So how can I possibly show up at this event to meet others when I have layer upon layer of insecurity about the career I've devoted my life to and the actual existence of the job my company does and the fact that I am barely even a full version of myself physically or mentally.
Lindsey Epperly [00:09:14]:
I ask this same question of my mentor, Shannon, who is also on the trip with me. While I'm waiting to walk to yoga with her one morning, I see something slithering out of the corner of my eye. And, of course, you never describe something as slithering unless it is a snake, of which this was. So my first thought is, well, I can't go to yoga now. I'm going to have to burn the place down and then flee. And then as I watch the snake, my thought is, that's a bad omen if I've ever seen one. And so I share as much with Shannon, and I ask her, in my depressed state, does it take a bad omen to know a bad omen? And she says to me, you are not a bad omen. I've known you for a long time, and I have no doubt that you are just in a really tough season right now.
Lindsey Epperly [00:09:53]:
And what's happened to your business and your life is not a reflection of who you are. I, in this moment, exhale like the wind has just been knocked out of me. Since landing on this island, I have felt like a total imposter. So why is it that calling attention to the truth is the first time that I've actually been relieved of that impostor syndrome? Probably because once we have climbed high enough on the ladder of success, it is impossible to admit when we've been forced to even take a little step down. But it's even harder to admit when our foot has just slipped. And now we are positively on rock bottom. Now, I believe this is true in times that are of our own making and our own control, like when we work so very hard that we burn ourselves out. It's really hard to admit that and those circumstances that are outside of our hands, like a market shift that just dismantles our business.
Lindsey Epperly [00:10:45]:
So I whisper back to Shannon, do you think it's obvious to everyone here that I have failed? And she says, no, I don't, because you haven't failed. You're in a cocoon in the middle of your story. And I thought about what that meant. The middle of my story. You know when you're reading a good book and you get to that part where the hero thinks it's all over, but you are the reader and you know better? That's the best part of the story. That's the part you can't put down. You would not stick a bookmark in and close the chapter right when it's getting good. So why do we try to do this to ourselves? So I try to rationalize back to Shannon, but life doesn't follow a storyline trajectory.
Lindsey Epperly [00:11:24]:
And I would know because I was an english major. And honestly, I should have just stuck to a small and quiet life of writing poetry instead of wandering into that room in that business competition and thinking I could survive in this big, bold look at me rise, but don't watch me fall business world. And she responds, you know, if it were me, I would let them see me fall just like I let them see me rise. You are monitoring your success. Closer than the tracking devices on our phone. The only person who's paying enough attention to think you are an imposter is yourself. Well, I'm going to need to wallow in this for like, maybe the rest of the day, but I actually don't get a chance to wallow in it because later in this day, there is an abrupt change of plans. Someone in the larger group has tested positive for Covid.
Lindsey Epperly [00:12:08]:
Everything erupts into chaos now because we are not directly exposed and we have tested negative. My little group of travelers hatches an escape plan. We have to book it off this island before everything shuts down. So Shannon's husband knocks on our door and informs us, you have ten minutes to pack and get to the pier. We're getting out of here. So later, after we've left the entire destination, I realize we have also left our tracking devices behind because obviously we legally don't need to have them with us anymore. But I note the feeling of relief that I have that I am no longer being monitored. I think back to Shannon's comment that the only one paying close enough attention to me is me.
Lindsey Epperly [00:12:45]:
I wonder if I have actually been living like this far before the dismantling of my life that happened this year. This really seems to be the hardest part of our modern world, doesn't it? That every move we make is monitored by some device, if not actually reported on by ourselves. We are so quick to share on social media our kids big smiles or our super healthy acai bowls that we had for breakfast, or our company's latest accomplishment. But this is only one side of the story. We are not interested in selfies every time we're crying in the car after being berated by a client, or when we cave and eat that sympathy McFlurry yum Oreo. Always. These are the moments that make us feel most like imposters. This is no different than when we are in 7th grade, arriving late to the football game and we trip on the bleacher steers.
Lindsey Epperly [00:13:32]:
And in our head we know that everyone just saw our most cringeworthy moment. Did they really? Or if they did, are they going to fixate on that and constantly think about your misstep? Probably not. Definitely not. As much as you are going to beat yourself up over what you perceive as a failure at the time. We assume everyone knows and everyone is watching our utter defeat. But most likely they are not. So what I learned as I escaped that island is that it was time for me to stop acting like I was being tracked. It would behoove us all to no longer think that every move we make is monitored by some secret judge who can determine if we do or do not belong, or if we have or have not made it, or if we are, if phonies we so frequently think we are.
Lindsey Epperly [00:14:17]:
I wonder now, if we owned our entire stories, instead of judging our specific chapters of life, would we feel less like frauds and more like ourselves? Honestly, that's a big reason I decided to embrace the concept of who made you the boss. Our stories are very much our superpowers, and everything we perceive as a failure is just an opportunity for redemption down the line. But this only happens when we embrace that we are not in control, when we allow the full cadence of control to cycle through from the routine to the relinquishing to the retraining to the redemption. So don't be tempted to put a bookmark in the middle of your story just because it's gotten hard. You keep reading and you keep going. For me, my business being leveled was the monster that saved me. It was not only my opportunity to build back, but a chance to finally live without fear that the worst could happen because the worst had already happened. Everything we felt can be destroyed, but we don't have to be dismantled in the breaking I recently went to Miraval in the Berkshires where I did a Kinsugi workshop.
Lindsey Epperly [00:15:20]:
This is the japanese art of making something beautiful from its breaking. And at the start of the class, the teacher, Veronica, told us we would be breaking a beautifully good ceramic bowl with a hammer. She said, what are you more afraid of, breaking the bowl or putting it back together? My initial gut instinct was, I'm more afraid of putting it back together. That looks difficult. The breaking part looks really easy. It's just smashing it with a hammer, right? You guys? It took me five attempts to break the ball. I'll post the video on social media for you so you can enjoy. I actually even hammered my own wrist before I broke the ball.
Lindsey Epperly [00:15:52]:
Walked around with a couple of days of bruises because letting go of control to embrace the cracking open of our own lives is really freaking hard. But I think that is why we're all here. That's why you're still listening, because you already know that. So when you hear that little nagging voice asking you and who made you the boss, I hope you can learn to answer it back with full confidence. I did. And I'm going to keep choosing to rise, even when I don't know the outcome of this particular story. That is what it means to hold on to hope. I am so grateful you all have joined me during this first season of who made you the boss? It's been a dream come true.
Lindsey Epperly [00:16:30]:
If you enjoyed this season, please do us a huge favor and leave us a review and a rating on your favorite podcast platform. It helps us a ton, so we're going to take a little 60 day break coming back to your ear on May 1 for season two. Until then, make sure you subscribe to the channel as we may drop an episode or two of our other favorite podcasts or interviews for you to enjoy. And if you just can't go without us for 60 days, then head over to lindseyepperly.com and sign up for our newsletter. You will get a weekly dose of inspiration from me in your inbox. Even between seasons, you, my lovely listeners, are just the best. I'll see you in May. Back on who made you the boss? And that lovely listeners brings us to the end of today's episode.
Lindsey Epperly [00:17:15]:
We truly hope you enjoyed this deep dive into the world of leadership and professional development with who made you the boss? If you've gained some valuable insights today, we would love to hear from you. Please take a moment. Go to your favorite podcast platform, search for who made you the boss and leave us a five star rating and review. That feedback helps us tremendously as we're creating content that resonates and empowers. Stay connected with us too by visiting lindseyepperly.com and there you can subscribe to our newsletter and ensure you never miss an episode or an exciting update. You can connect with me personally as well on instagram and LinkedIn. And let's continue the conversation with ourselves and other like minded individuals who are redefining what it means to be the boss of our own lives. So thank you listeners for being a part of this journey.
Lindsey Epperly [00:17:59]:
And until next time, remember, you have the power to shape your destiny. So keep leading, keep learning, and most importantly, keep being the boss of your own. Incredible story.